Today I get to go into the dojo for an hour and workout. I am always so excited to go. The problem is once I get there I sorta freeze up. I guess you could call it performance anxiety. I practise my kata all week long. My husband reviews it with me most nights of the week. Things start to look really good. Then I get to the dojo and I will literally forget moves or screw up in some other way. All of the progress I made that week is forgotten.
This journey I am on is more than just weight loss. I am also trying to become a better person in every way. My natural tendency is to be an anxious person, particularly around authority figures. The more respect I have for a person the more nervous I can get around them. This is what I attribute to my performance anxiety. It is to the point that when Sensei leaves the dojo to run down to his house for a few minutes, suddenly I can perform kata well again. Then 15 minutes later he comes back and I am back to sucking again. Yup, I have issues.
My goal for today is to literally not care about anyone at the dojo (i.e. Sensei). I am trying to remain calm and grounded. And, I keep repeating to myself that it is OK to mess up today at the dojo.
I know all of this sounds really stupid but it is part of what I need to work on to become the person and black belt that I want to eventually become. Wish me luck.