Sunday, November 13, 2011

part 2

Ok, I wrote that other post  and I didn't really even get at what I was feeling inside.
I am feeling tremendous doubt inside today.
Doubt that I will ever get the weight off or get back to karate.
It is so easy for other things to get in my way. 
I have things in my way that are obvious like my weight and my physical ability.  Then there are the unseen things that get in my way and those things are what kill me. 

Those unseen things basically boil down to one thing.....allowing myself to put other things first.  An example is that  I always let family derail me.  It isn't like I have a child to take care of.  The family that derails me consists of a bunch of adults who really can take care of themselves.  They don't actually need me for anything.  It has always just been my job to take care of them and now it is a habit that is hard to break.  Even yesterday, I could have gone to the dojo even if my husband wasn't feeling up to it.  But, I just stayed home when I should have gone regardless of what hubby was doing.

The unseen things are the unconscious ideas you have in your life from which you need to break free: attitudes, habits, and beliefs about yourself.   A big part of me believes that I am always going to be this hugely overweight woman, trapped in this body, running around after people (family) who don't even really need me, and that I will live a small, sad life.  I think after all of the years of being sick and undiagnosed I developed this way of thinking about myself because I didn't dare hope for more.  But now that I am getting my health back and I have a chance in life, I have to work my butt off to reach my goals. I can't allow the doubt to take over.  I have to keep my focus.

We all have dragons to slay.  The first thing you have to do is identify them.  And, then  you have to come up with a plan of action.  I think in this blog I have identified my current dragons.  Now I have to come up with a way to slay them.  That is something I have to think about today.  I still have a lot of doubt but I think I can look past it now and keep working towards my goals.

I hope that you are asking yourself what are the unseen things that are keeping you back from reaching your goals? What can you do to fight them?  Now, go give that dragon a really hard time!!


  1. I hear you when it comes to things that get in the way and tend to deflate our passion for achieving our goals. You may need to set-up a routine that motivates you to do what's best for yourself. And to counter-balance that, you need a whole host of folks that you can count on to push you to stay on track (i.e., your husband, your family, your friends, your Sensei, etc.). These should be interchangable. So when one is not up to the challenge, another one steps in. For example, on Dojo Saturdays, always feel free to reach out and call me. I'll pick you up and make sure you're there (hell, I'll even throw in the $10 when you need it). And if you want to get back into the Dojo routine (perhaps after your surgery), we should set aside Tuesdays and Thursdays to work-out. Or at some point, you may want to just say "Damn-it, I'm going back right now...even if I can't keep up at first, it doesn't matter...the clock is ticking." Like Apollo Creed said to Rocky, "There is no tomorrow. There is no tomorrow."


  2. Very good call. I know I've been doing a lot of work on myself recently, and I don't know if it's my age or what, but I'm finally realizing that the folks I've always seen as the "real grown ups" are just as flawed as I am... which, let me tell you, is a real relief.

    I think I'm my own worst critic. I'm attempting to rectify that.

    Go, dragonslayer!!