Blogger was down for the last day and when it came back it deleted my last post. Mental note to self-back up everything I write.
Since I don't have a copy of my last blog I will give you a very quick recap. Basically my weight went to 302lbs and has stayed there for a few days. I have been eating very clean and I dropped my calories down to 1400 (weight watchers had me on 2200 and I had previously been on 1800) but nothing came of that calorie drop.
So today once again my weight was exactly the same. I have been doing some very seriously thinking about this whole situation. I have lowered my calories, not eaten anything after 5p.m., drank copious amounts of water, severely limited my carbs, etc. The only thing that seems to make a difference is my stress level. My weight released earlier in the week when I relaxed. Then I started weighing myself constantly because I was so close to breaking that 300lbs mark.
My weight is really causing me to feel intense and constant stress. Basically every minute of every day I find myself thinking about it. I feel like I have so much to prove to people. I know the perception most people have of the obese is that they eat like pigs and never get off of the couch. I feel like I have to prove that I am not secretly over eating and that is why I can't get the weight off. I feel like I have to prove myself to my karate instructor so I can get back to the dojo. I have so much to prove and I am failing.
It got to the point yesterday where I actually felt a little weak from not eating. It reminded me of watching my mom pass out from starving herself when I was a kid. I spent a lot of time in the emergency room of the local hospital due to my mom starving herself and messing up her heart. When my behavior is reminding me of that, then it is time for me to say enough.
So from now on things are going to change. First of all, I am going to only weigh myself once a week. That day will be Sunday. I will let you know what that number is on Sundays.
Secondly, I have to focus on exercise more than food. When you focus on being athletic it usually makes you want to eat right . So many of my posts from now on will be about what exercised I accomplished and not what I ate.
That is the best I can do for myself right now. If you have any ideas please let me know!