Today was a pretty great day. Getting to go to the dojo was wonderful. It felt like I was home again. But, it was also an eye opener.
I have spent weeks and weeks reviewing kata I have know for years. When I am home working out, my kata isn't bad. In fact, I was feeling somewhat proud of the power and crispness I had in my moves. But, today, in front a dojo full of 21 year old college guys, my form completely fell apart. I completely unraveled. There I was -a 300 lbs., middle aged, matronly looking woman (who was the only person not wearing a gi/uniform because I've out grown mine) trying to remember the simplest of kata in front of these young kids. Kids that never get tired, achy, stiff, and who are a third of my size. They kept looking at me trying to figure out what I was doing there. There were definitely moments when I was wondering the same thing about myself.
But, I had to really remember why I was there. The one thing I absolutely know about myself is that I love karate. All the years I was sick and sitting on my sofa, all I kept thinking was when I get better I am going back to karate. There was nothing else that I really cared about (with the exception of having a child). So, now that I am over 40 and grossly overweight, I am not about to let a bunch of 21 year olds run me out of karate just because they make me feel old and embarressed (little bastards).
On the plus side, Sensei gave me some things to work on. It is great to have some guidance on how to start to improve. I also have a fire in my belly, so to speak, to work harder and get better. So thank you 21 year olds. Thank you for getting me a little annoyed and angry. That just makes me want to fight harder to get to my goals. While getting to my goals might be easy when you are 21. At 41, it is hard and it takes heart and soul to get to the finish line. And, that is exactly what it takes to be a fighter and eventually a black belt!!!
(but, they are still a bunch of little bastards)