The problem with all or nothing thinking

As I have mentioned in the past, both my mother and grandmother were anorexics.  Being raised by two woman with this condition seems to have shaded how I relate to food.  I've been so proud of myself for giving up sugar that I have lost count of how many days I have gone without it.  It is well over 40 days now.

The program that I used to give up the sugar was a very good hypnosis program by a company called Thinking Slimmer.  It is meant to give you control over having sweet treats so you can easily give them up.  But, it is also meant to give you greater control over the issue so that you can have them if you want them in moderation.  Today I really wanted a treat.  I saw some nice items at the grocery store today and thought that it would be nice to have something.  But, it became a huge issue for me.

I sat for several hours today going back and forth about if I should break down and allow myself a treat or not.  So far, I haven't given in to the desire for a sweet treat and I am not certain if this is a good thing or not?  The fact that I have had to sit and debate it in my mind like this tells me that I now have a problem.  This has become for me another example of the "all or nothing" thinking around food that being raised by an anorexic can create.

On one hand, I am grateful for how much better I feel since giving up sugar.  My blood sugar is stable and I am have lost some weight.  But, to live in fear (as I now seem to) of eating a sweet treat seems ridiculous.  Yet, I do.  In fact, I have even felt guilty for even imagining eating a sweet treat.  So, as you can see, this has gotten out of hand.  Time to figure out a solution.

Update
So, I broke down and had a small container (5 oz. mini-container) of Edy's ice cream.  I don't even believe it was a full cup's worth of ice cream.  It made me realize that I had made a huge thing out of nothing.  The ice cream didn't actually taste that good to me.  After I had eaten it I thought that I would have rather had a baked apple.  I am now happy to return to not eating very much sugar.  It feels better knowing that I can decide for myself when and if I really want a sweet treat.  And, that I have one it won't spark a binge.  I feel much happier now.

30 days of no sweets

Today I have officially not had sweet treats for 30 days.  I am feeling really good about this.  I have been addicted to sugar since I was a little kid.  Going without it literally seemed impossible.  And, if anyone had suggested giving up sweets to me I would have thought they were totally nuts.  But, I decided enough was enough and I gave it up.  Now I realize I am capable of a lot more than I ever realized. 

From here on out I won't want to eat sugar.  There are just too many benefits of not eating it.  But, it is not my new religion.  If I am in the mood for something and if there is a sweet treat that truly seems worth it, I will eat it.  But, for now I am very happy continuing as I have been.

Now that I realize I am capable of so much more than I ever thought, it is time to come up with another goal to tackle.  I will think on that and get back to you.....

Stunning

I got on the scale this morning and yet another pound has gone!  Can you believe that???? That is 6lbs. since giving up sugar.  I am dumbfounded. 

In the past, in order to have lost 6lbs. I would have had to go zero carbs and exercise an hour a day.  That of course would only last a few days as I would eventually rebel against the strict regiment and go back to carbs, especially sugar.  Then literally, in one day, the weight would come back and usually doubled itself.

Now I think I am getting the hang of what my body wants.  I don't need to go no carb (although I am still pretty low in carbs) in order to lose weight. It seems my body just wants very low sugar.  But, it is fine with a piece of fruit a day and sometimes a potato.  And, I can still have a cup of coffee or tea with sugar or honey (only a teaspoon though).  Life is good.  Really good.

Another result of giving up sugar is how much less I want to eat in general.  I am convinced that sugar creates false hunger.  I recently read an article on the topic and wanted to post it here but after looking for it for an hour I must admit defeat.  If and when I find it again I will post it.  But, the reality of why I am losing weight without starving myself or feeling deprived is that I gave up sugar. Once the detox process was done I no longer really wanted it.  I absolutely don't miss it one bit.  In fact, foods made of sugar now gross me out a bit.  If I am really craving something special I will bake an apple for myself.

Many of you know that I was able to get past my sugar  addiction by using a hypnosis program by a company called Thinking Slimmer.  Previously I had tried another hypnosis product from the same company called a "Slimpod" which is excellent for general weight loss.  While it helped my self-esteem greatly, I couldn't lose weight using it.  Now I know why, my real problem was the blood sugar roller coaster that consuming sugar had put me on. 

Speaking of self-esteem, the other thing this process has taught me is that I am worth taking the time to cook for.  I never cooked for myself before.  I made certain my husband had his food prepared and organized.  But, I never did it for myself.  Now I am purposely making time daily to have all my meals organized.  This way I am not tempted to give in to poor quality food when I am hungry.  My old viscious cycle was not to do anything to prepare food ahead of time, get super hungry, rip the house apart looking for something I can eat, and then end up eating something less than healthy.  I finally feel like I deserve to eat healthy food and I deserve to take the time to care for my own health.  This is something I also attribute to "Thinking Slimmer".

So, all in all, I am feeling really happy and grateful for the weight loss.  Now all I have to do it keep up the good work.  6lbs down and only 144lbs to go.......

Wow, the scale is moving in the right direction....

I weighed myself this morning and I got quite a surprise.  I don't want to jinx myself but I have to share that I am down 5lbs.  What am I doing?

  First of all, I am still not eating sugar.  That makes 27 days without sugar so far.  Also, please note I don't eat grains (due to Celiac disease) or dairy either.  I seem to be allergic to cow dairy.   Secondly, I am eating whole foods.  I am making everything I eat. Nothing from a box.  Thirdly, I found some great whole foods recipes from a great website that are helping me eat healthy.  The website is by a nutritionist named Zonya Foco.  Her recipes are found here (she gives them to her readers for free).  In many cases I have to modify these recipes to deal with my allergies or to cater to my husband's preferences.  But, they are a great place to start and they are economical.   I am trying to exercise but due to the heat I have not been doing too much of that.  I think the big key is because my blood sugar is stable now from not eating sugar, so I can eat much less and be satisfied.

That is all I am doing.  For me it all starts with not eating sugar.  And, for that I have to thank the people at Thinking Slimmer.  There "no more sweet treats"  program has literally changed my life for the better!!

21 days sugar free

I am so happy.  Today is 21 days of no sugar.  My cravings have gone and I am getting adjusted to this new way of living.  Thank you sweets pod!  I also gave up dairy along the way.  So that means I am not eating gluten, dairy, or sugar......menu planning is getting interesting.  But, it is worth it.  I am feeling really good from the change in diet.  The best part is I gave away all of my chocolate.  I had gone to BJ's ,the day before I decided to give up sugar, and bought a big bag of dove chocolate squares.  It was literally a pound of chocolate.  And, I gave it to my sister-in-law. Something about that just makes me smile.  I couldn't stand having it in my cabinets any more for some reason.  It felt wonderful getting rid of all of it.

I am having a problem in my effort to get the weight off.  It is the heat.  I am just not handling the heat we are having here in Philadelphia very well.  I am not sure why but I am just not feeling great from it.  Therefore, making myself exercise has become very difficult.  But, I can't allow myself to have this excuse.  I have to get myself moving.  So, that is my goal for the week-get off of my butt!!!

Amazed....

Today is the 9th day that I have not had a sweet treat.   That in itself is amazing enough.  But, two other things are now happening that I find equally amazing:

1) I could care less about food.  I am literally eating half of what I used to and only care about food when I get hungry.

2) Realizing now that in addition to giving up sweet treats I also need (for health purposes) to give up dairy.  I am noticing that when I eat dairy I don't feel that well.  I've known that I have needed to do this for a while but couldn't make myself to give it up.  Now, I just don't care about cheese.  I would rather have a black belt than cheese.

Whatever weird emotional attachment I had to food seems to be disappearing.  I am intensely grateful for this freedom and ability to focus in on what I really want for my life.

Day 7-No sweet treats

Today is day 7 of no sweet treats. 

I am pretty amazed that I have gone this long without any.  I am feeling so much better without all that extra sugar in my system.  And, yesterday the scale showed that a few pounds have come off.  I am feeling pretty happy overall.

The question now becomes will I ever allow myself to eat a sweet treat again?  I've been thinking about this for the last few days.  Having given up on all that sugar I can now clearly see how eating sweet treats sets you up to feel hungrier over all.  Sugar just makes your blood sugar drop which makes you feel hungry, so you eat again taking in more calories than you really need.  I definitely don't wish to start that cycle all over again.  I love being able to eat so much less food overall.  It is nice not to be constantly thinking about food.  But, I don't want to set up strict food rules for myself that I then stress over.  So, today I think I figured out my answer.  I will eat sweet treats only if they look really, really good.  Like if my mother-in-law bakes a gluten free treat for me on Christmas or Easter.  Her baked goods are worth it.  But, regular store bought items or regular chocolate doesn't seem worth eating any more.

Once again, thank you Slimpods for creating great products that really help to support working towards my goals!!

5 days and counting

Today is the 5th day in a row that I have not wanted or had a sweet treat.  This is causing some interesting things to happen to me.  The first is that due to very stable blood sugar, I am eating much smaller portions.  And, I don't miss my sweets nor do I miss my large portions.  I am also craving vegetables and small amounts of fruit.  Today, I was in the grocery store and came across some fresh berries that I could not pass up.  That has never happened to me before.  I am also in such a better mood.  I just feel more positive and content.

Now, in the spirit of complete honesty, I will admit that I am still having a very small amount of sugar/honey.  I have one or two cups of either coffee or tea every day.  Over the last year I have gradually limited the amount of sweetener I put in my morning beverage to only about a teaspoon.  So, I am still having that on a daily basis but that is it.  I am not drinking soda or any other sweet beverages.  I just don't want them.  But, I am not giving up my tea and coffee.  To me, they make life really enjoyable and I only partake in moderation.  I will tell you that my herbal tea consumption in the evening has increased.  Still only having one cup in the evening though.

The other thing is that I am craving Asian food like mad.  I am making myself stir fries and having the occasional sushi.  When I was a kid my dad made me these foods because, as he said, that was the only thing that kept me healthy.  So, hopefully without the focus on sweets I am reverting to my natural healthy self.

Again, I want to thank Sandra and everyone at Thinking Slimmer for creating the "Beat that Sweet Tooth " pod.  It is like a miracle for me!!

What have I been up to?

About two weeks ago, I posted that I was doing Les Mills Pump and loving it.  Then I hurt myself somehow and had to stop using the program.  I pulled some kind of muscle on my hip and it is still very painful.  On a side note:  My husband is still going strong with Les Mills Pump. He is on week 5 and his body is really starting to change for the better (not that it wasn't already pretty amazing).  I spoke to my doctor about my hip injury.  He feels that at my size Les Mills Pump was just a little too much for me.  I really hope to get back to it at some point.

I wanted to keep working out so I pulled out my T-Tapp DVDs.  If you have been following my twitter account you will see that I have been working out very consistently with T-Tapp.  When starting T-Tapp you do a "boot camp" based on how many sizes you want to drop.  If you only want to drop a clothing size, you workout four days in a row and then every other day for six weeks.  Since I want to drop three sizes or more, I am doing a 14 day boot camp (14 days in a row and then every other day for six weeks).

Today is day 8 of my 14 day boot camp.  Previously, I never gave T-Tapp enough of a chance.  I would do one or two workouts and then quit.  It just seemed too good to be true.  But, as of today, I can honestly say that I am starting to see some amazing results.  After the fourth workout, my jeans got loose. About a half of a size loose.  Then on day five I looked in the mirror and my double chin halved in size.  It was weird, in the best way possible.  The creator of T-Tapp used to work with Chemotherapy patients and developed these exercises to get their lymphatic system moving properly.  This is what I attribute my inch loss to at the moment.  I will take inch loss any day.  While I haven't measured myself yet (will do so next week) it is obvious something good is happening.

I've also been listening to my Slimpod very consistently.  I log that on my twitter account as well.  It seems that consistent listening is helping me to keep going with my exercise.  Having a positive attitude really supports all of the other changes I am trying to make in my life.

After the boot camp is done I plan on getting back to Tai Chi night at karate.  Eventually, I will get back to karate. Right now, I am just taking a little detour in hopes of getting healthy again.

Back to Slimpod

I decided to restart listening to my Slimpod (which I am also now logging on my twitter account).  It seems to produce a very positive attitude in me. And, frankly, with the workout I am doing right now, starting a diet program would overwhelm me.  So, it seemed like a natural fit for me to fall asleep listening to my Slimpod to reinforce healthy eating and smaller portions.

Since I started with Slimpods I have met two people who have been very successful on it.  The first lady has only lost 5lbs in six months but she has lost 24 inches.  Visually she looks like she lost 50lbs.  Who cares what the scale says if you look half your size!

Another person I've met is Darin McCloud.  If you click his name you can read his story and see him in a video (he has lost two more pants sizes since the video was made) and his blog is here.  He has lost a tremendous amount of weight, is now in control of his diabetes, and has become a marathon runner.  And, yesterday he reached out to me and gave me some amazing advice that has literally changed my life.  For now I am going to keep the advice to myself because it feels precious.  At some point I will share it with you all.

It feels good to be making some actual progress in this journey.

One more change I would like to make is starting to go back to Tai Chi nights at karate.  I am looking around for an affordable meditation chair before I go back (it kills my bad leg to sit cross legged for 15 minutes during meditation).

BTW-if I remember correctly Tai Cheng was supposed to announce the winners of their essay contest today......wonder if we will ever hear who the winner are?