Saturday, April 30, 2011

4/30/11 daily chek list

  • Stayed with in points but was freaked out because, per my points, I could have 2 cheese burgers (no bun) and a baked potato.  Boy, has Weight Watchers changed.  But, I also had a ton of veggies today.
  • Didn't drink nearly enough water due to being at the yard sale all day.  Trying to make up for that now.
  • Was on my feet most of the day but didn't get much exercise in.  Didn't wear my pedometer due to it constantly falling off and didn't want to lose it at yard sale.
  • So, all in all I would say it was an ok day but not my best.  Tomorrow I have plans to take a really good walk at a local park and review kata with my hubby. 
  • Have a great night!


I am up early today due to a big community yard sale that we are participating in at a local fire house.  I just wanted to tell you that I am down another 1.5-2.0lbs.  And, I was able to keep away from the food last night.  Yay me!
Have a great day!!!

Friday, April 29, 2011

Mental problems

OK, I am in the middle of one of those moments that kill diets. 

I am tired, frustrated, kinda hungry, low on hope.

 Something (well quite a few things to be accurate) is really upsetting me and it is making me feel extremely negative.  Since I am feeling kinda hungry but scared to eat (yes, whenever I diet I start to become afraid to eat.  Both my mom and grand mom were anorexics.  So, sometimes the old food disorder thinking raises its ugly head) and feeling emotional....well, I am this close to blowing my diet.

All I keep thinking is how much weight I have to lose.  I keep wondering if this diet will really work for me?  Can I ever get back to karate?  Am I fooling myself thinking I really can lose all this weight and become an athlete again-not to mention wondering if I can ever try to have a baby?  Right now all this emotion just feels like too much and I am over whelmed.

All I want to do is dive into a big bag of whatever junk food is in the kitchen cabinet.  So, what is stopping me you wonder?  Well, a lot of prayer and remembering this guy at the dojo named Rob.

Rob is one of my life heroes.  He had some substance problems when he was younger but he worked really hard to recover from a rough start in life.  He too started karate and quit before he got his black belt in order to deal with his demons.  Eventually he was able to return to karate clean, sober and working on his sobriety daily.  He got his black belt and a few belts beyond that as well. At the same time he maintained a great marriage and raised three great kids.

I really want to be like Rob some day.  So, because of that I am writing this blog instead of eating.   Today the dragon doesn't win!


Did you all watch the Royal wedding today?  I got myself some proper gluten free English biscuits, had some tea, and started watching at 4 a.m.  My biscuits cost me 4 points.

Well, I am just doing the same thing today that I did yesterday. Tracking my points and seeing how it goes.  But, I did weigh myself and I am down 2lbs. since we will see how this all works.  If I can finally get my weight under 300lbs.then I will feel like it is really working.  Till then I will just be waiting with bated breath......

Thursday, April 28, 2011

4/28/11 daily check list

This is a daily review of what I have done to achieve my goals today.

What I did right
  • Ate within my WW points.  Lots of veggies and 2 servings of fruit.
  • Workout for 30 minutes using shadow boxing and kata (can't wait to lose enough weight to get back on the treadmill!)
What I need to work on
  • WATER -Maybe I had 4 glasses of water in total today.  Pretty sure I need to do better. I just forget to drink during the day.
  • Pedometer-I forgot to wear my pedometer today.  Not good:(

Interesting hiccup

Been tracking my points like a good Weight Watchers member today.  In the new Points Plus program you get so many more points and this is because they have adjusted the points of all of the foods.  Some foods like grains seem higher in points but protein is lower.  Due to the fact that I don't eat grains I find myself with a lot of points per day. 

In fact, I had so many points to deal with that I kinda freaked out  a little.  I had to go on the WW forum and get some advice.  The people there actually told me to eat full fat foods and more protein to make up the difference.  So, this plan really is paleo diet compatible.  Amazing!!!!
Seems like my day has finally come.  Thank God!!!

Working out

On Tuesday I picked up the new Weight Watchers (WW) magazine at the store.  In it they had a great workout suggestion-shadow boxing. The article suggested doing 20 minutes of shadow boxing for a full body workout.  It also listed all of the various punches and footwork that you could use while shadow boxing. 

This suggestion was exciting to me for a few reasons.  First of all, I am always looking for new and interesting low impact workouts I can do at home.  Walking is a great workout but I can't always get out to the park to do it.    If I try walking around my neighborhood I always feel guilty if I don't take our two minature dachunds but taking them for a walk is less about me and more about them, making it hard to get enough steps in.

Secondly, the other day I was doing a Jillian Michaels workout (it was an On Demand workout on Xfinity) and she suggested that if you have any knee problems (which I do) simply punching will provide a great workout without putting stress on the knee.   I thought that was great to know for those days when the knee is feeling a little sore.

Lastly, I know a lady in England named Amy Sewell who went from obese to skinny by learning boxing.  Her story is amazing and if you want to read about it please click here.  She went from 308lbs. to about 140lbs by taking up boxing which completely changed her life (please note: in the story a "stone" is equal to 14lbs.).  I am "friends" with her on facebook and she has been able to keep the weight off and now she teaches boxing as well.  Her story is so inspirational to me!  So, the idea of shadow boxing reminded me of all of the good that Amy was able to do for herself.

So I will be adding shadow boxing to my daily workout routine.  As well as starting my first day of counting points.  I was able to read all of my WW materials last night.  The program is dramatically different from the old program but in a really good way.  The new point system really forces you into eating whole foods as frequently as possible.  So, wish me luck on my first day of WW.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

April 27, 2011

Writing this blog late today due to spending the afternoon with my father.  Love the guy but boy can he talk.....

Anyway, I went to my first Weight Watchers (WW) meeting this morning.  It was awesome!!!  The leader is amazing and the new program is really interesting.  Although they gave me so many program materials that I need to start studying it all now that my father finally left. 

I am trying to write a blog about a workout routine I just read about but I just don't have what it takes today to finish it .  Hopefully I will get it up tomorrow.  Have a great day!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

April 26, 2011

My first Weight Watchers (WW) meeting will be tomorrow at 9:30a.m.  I took yesterday to do a lot of research.  I posted in several forums dealing with WW for advice.  It really does seem like my way of eating will absolutely fit in with the new WW program called "Points Plus".  I also did a lot of research on the best WW leaders in my area.  The person leading the meeting in a town over from me is said to be one of the best in the area (I've been to her meetings before and she is amazing) so that is why I picked that meeting to start attending.

But, just because I am officially starting tomorrow doesn't mean I am not starting on my own today.  I just got back from the store and stocked up on all sorts of veggies.  For lunch today I will be having a cold cucumber, onion, cauliflower, and chickpea salad.

You know, I don't actually believe WW is the be all and end all.  But, I do think it will provide me with a supportive structure to get to my goals.  I need that help and support to break free from some bad habits my hubby and I have developed.  Sometimes it is hard for me to think out of the little box we have painted ourselves into and I am not too sure my husband really wants to change anything-lol.  But, I am pretty sure he is now finally willing to support any change I want to make-even healthy habits he is not really into. 

Wish me luck and good luck with your journey!

Monday, April 25, 2011

The power of the Sensei...

I am laughing at myself right now.  Today being my birthday, and as unpleasant as this birthday has been, I got myself a little ice cream for a treat.  I sat down in my chair to eat it and surf the web.  I noticed, in my surfing,  that a web address that comes from the same part of the world that my Sensei lives was on the blog today.  I was literally in mid-bite of my second spoonful of  ice cream when I saw this information and immediately put my ice cream back in the freezer. 

Sadly, I am just one of those people who is desperate for the approval of certain authority figures.  Knowing Sensei may occasionally be reading this blog makes me want to work that much harder.  Thanks Sensei, I needed that kick in the butt!!!

BTW-I weighed myself today.  I didn't gain that much.  Maybe 2lbs. at best.  Thank God!

birthday number 41

So, as of today I am 41......great.....
Not exactly thrilled with that number.  It hasn't been the best birthday I've ever had but maybe expecting a great birthday after the age of 21 is being ridiculous.
I am seriously considering running out and buying  some wrinkle cream as well as just rejoining Weight Watchers (WW) again.
My little intuitive eating experiment failed miserably.  It turned out to be an awful weekend.  I won't bore you with the details but events took place that were unforeseen, uncontrollable, and stressful.  So, I ate to comfort myself.  I haven't weighed myself yet because I am  not sure I am ready to deal with the damage.  But, I am seriously considering rejoining WW again.
My way of eating (when I am being healthy) falls in line with WW new program.  I could use the support and help.  I would like to get  as soon as possible.  Maybe this time WW would work for me.  I have joined WW probably once a year for the last 15 yrs.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. 
All I know is that I have a lot of thinking to do.  If you have any opinions on Weight Watchers please let me know!!

Thursday, April 21, 2011


The other day I declared a desire to get under 300lbs by Monday.  That day I buckled down and got really strict about counting calories and the very next day I gained 3lbs.  Yesterday I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted and I did eat kinda junky food.  Didn't count calories at all and now I am down a pound.  What am I to learn from this I ask myself? 

This is a pattern that constantly repeats itself in my diet life.  I always approach diets like school.  I buckle down, study everything, and push myself as hard as I can to succeed and then I gain weight.  In school this use to produce A's for me.  So, what is wrong with my approach?! 

All I can think is that it must be the stress of trying to be perfect that pushes me over the edge.  I must get so stressed out that my body starts producing adrenaline, cortisol, and all of those other nasty chemicals causing me to gain weight.  OK, so now what?

Well, I am going to take the weekend/holiday off from calorie counting to see how things go.  I am going to stick with the foods that work for me (see previous post) but just drop the calorie counting.  I am also going to employ the 80% full method I wrote about yesterday.  I am really curious to see if I can master eating intuitively.

Wish me luck.  I will let you know how it is going probably on Monday.  This is my birthday weekend so I will most likely not post anything unless something really interesting happens.  Have a great holiday weekend and good luck with your goals!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

World oldest man's diet tips -Hara hachi bu

Every morning I read a U.K. newspaper called "The Mail".  Today they published a great article on a Japanese man who had made it to his 114th birthday and now is the oldest person alive.  You can read the entire article here.

The part that was meaningful to me was what he attributed to his long life.  The article state,

"Mr Kimura said his secret was to eat sparingly, stopping when his stomach was about 80 per cent full."

80% full  is also part of the Okinawan Diet (the Japanese term for it is "Hara hachi bu"), as well as, the key to keeping your weight off by eating intuatively.  I am counting calories now but in the long term my goal is to learn what 80% full feels like.  Over the weekend I didn't really count calories but tried my best to just eat intuatively and I lost about 3lbs doing things that way. 

It seems to me that until you can learn to do this -weight will always be an issue.  I know my protion size has increased over the years.  After a while you start to think that you actually need huge portions to feel satisfied.  But, truthfully, if you eat things that you really enjoy a little goes a long way. 

As a way to encourage you to look into intuative eating I am going to list some links (in no particular order) that have helped me learn about this method.  Good luck!

Paul McKenna
Geneen Roth
Thin Within

Of course...

So, after yesterday's declaration my weight went up. Today I am 306.  Unreal.
Not sure how this happened but I just have to keep going.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

perchance to dream....

Today's weight surprised me.  I keep waking up waiting to gain ten pounds back.  That has been my history for years-lose a few pounds and gain ten back.  But, I am starting to think maybe this program is going to work.  It is hard to allow myself to hope that the weight will continue to come off but maybe it will....
I turn 41 on April 25.  In a few pounds I could finally be under 300lbs.  Getting back into the 200lbs. range would do so much for my psyche.  It would feel like real progress.  So, between you and me, I am going to try to make 299lbs by Monday (the 25th).  I am scared that declaring that to the universe means some how I will sabotage myself but I have to try.  But, sometimes dreaming big can work.
So, wish me luck!!!  A few prayers wouldn't hurt either.


The scale read 303.6lbs. this morning.......:)

Monday, April 18, 2011

4/18/11-Emotional Eating

I have to write this post quickly because I have an appointment at 11a.m. today but I wanted to share with you my last 24 hours.  It has been a really emotionally gut wrenching time for me.  Not to get too specific but a friend of mine and I have been having some issues together.  She has been a good friend since college-like 20 years.  But, lately I just can't be as supportive as I would like to be due to some choices she is making in her life.  This is compounded  by the fact that she is also battling breast cancer so tremendous feelings of guilt are torturing me about this whole situation.

We sorta had a discussion about this situation yesterday.  It wasn't as positive as it could have gone.  The sadness, anger, and horrible guilt I have been feeling since- literally has felt like I was being eaten alive.  So, I ate to comfort myself. 

I used to be a true binge eater after my parent's divorce in college.  But, since then I have worked hard on myself and I wouldn't say I really binge now.  Now, occasionally, I over eat.  Usually it is over feelings of guilt for not taking care of people.  I have a lot of people in my life that would love for me to completely care for them even though they are absolutely able bodied adults. The guilt of saying "no" in  nice way kills me.  I have to say it to preserve my life but it upsets me.  So, last night was one of those situations and I ate to shove down the feelings.

I ate some gluten free pound cake and some lunch meat to counter act the sugar surge in my blood stream.  Then I realized I was really feeling angry so my hubby and I got the Wii boxing game out and I faux boxed for a while.  It really helped!  I have to remember that in future!

Well, thank God my weight didn't go up.  This morning I was 304lbs.  THANK YOU GOD! But, I realized that starting a new life like I am trying to do for myself, you are going to go through growing pains.  Taking more time for yourself and less time for others is going to upset them.  I don't think I am being selfish....but self-full.  I turn 41 in a week and there are some things I want for myself:
  • to get that black belt that I never got because I was busy doing stuff for other people and then got sick.
  • to get my weight down enough to try to get pregnant with our first child
  • to feel healthy again after 10 years of being really ill
  • to feel good about myself.  You just are never going to feel really proud of yourself at 300lbs.
  • to make positive progress in my life that I can feel good about
What I learned is that nothing is worth me over eating/binging. I am changing my life and it might upset some people.  It upsets me now to think I am upsetting them but truthfully-they are going to be OK.  Maybe it will help them do more for themselves if I stop helping them so there is a thought.

To change your life you have to fight.  Fight hard and long to figure out how to keep moving forward.  I am not saying you have to become self absorbed but I am saying that you need to keep your eye on the prize.  Weight has always been my biggest battle and this time I am going to win!

Sunday, April 17, 2011


For the last year and a half, no matter how hard I have tried I have not been able to get my weight below 305lbs.  Usually I would hit 305 and then the next day go back up to 307.  This morning I weighed 304.4lbs.  WOW!!  I can hardly believe it. 
I am afraid I am jinxing myself by sharing this but I just had to share.  Wish me luck.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

April 16, 2011

So, I have lost about 5-6 lbs in about 4 days.  Not that remarkable for someone of my weight class but remarkable for me since I am rarely able to lose any weight at all.  I promised that I would give a run down of my diet so here it is:
  • No grains-due to my Celiac disease I gave up gluten (in wheat, barely, or rye) about 3 years ago but I noticed that I still didn't feel great.  Then I found the Paleo diets and gave up grains all together and suddenly I started feeling well again.  I know the "experts" will tell you that you need whole grains. I think there are people like me who really can't handle grains.  I do have one exception to that rule-occasionally I will have a small amount of white rice.  White rice goes against everything you have read about brown rice being the best rice to eat, but white rice is less damaging to your intestines then any other grain.  Even still, eating white rice is not even a monthly thing for me.
  • Very limited sugar-I do not eat artificial sweeteners of any kind.  In the morning, in my tea or coffee, I only have a teaspoon of sugar or honey. The rest of the day I use stevia (not a huge fan of stevia either but that is due to its taste).  I allow myself one sweet treat a day.  That treat will either be a bowl of berries or 2 pieces of dark chocolate (dark chocolate starting at 60% cocoa and above).
  • Protein and fats-I tried to be a good Paleo person for the last 6 months and really couldn't get a lot of weight off. Felt great though!!  The author of the "Perfect Health Diet", Paul Jaminet, gave me some advice the other day that really helped and confirmed my instincts. Basically to lose weight I need to eat normal portions of protein and cut back on my fats.  I am NOT going low fat.  I am just cutting back on my fats. Without fats I starve no matter how much protein or carbs I eat.  But, I can cut back on fats from what I was doing on my Paleo diet.  The link below explains the science behind what I am saying.
  • One healthy starch a day.  I do this by eating one baked potato a day.  I know most Paleo diets want you to cut back on carbs. I actually don't eat any carbs except for my one sweet treat a day, natural sweeteners in my coffee, and one potato a day. Since adding that potato my mild depression has lifted.  I really don't understand the Paleo resistance to tubers. I know that animals dig up and eat tubers in the wild all of the time so it makes sense to me that early humans did as well.  You decide for yourself where you fall on that issue.
  • Calorie Restriction-On Paleo diets they tend to promise easy weight loss as long as you create a "deficit".  But, there is rarely talk about how to create that deficit.  Well, the plain honest truth is that you have to restrict your calories. And, you do that by counting them.  It is very easy to find the calorie content of any food on line.  A good general website for that is but there are tons of other sites like that out there.  I just write everything down in a notebook and keep track.  I have been using a calorie level of 1800 a day but I am thinking of dropping that down to 1600.  You have to determine what works best for you!
  • VEGETABLES, VEGETABLES, VEGETABLES-At all my meals I load up on vegetables.  I make large pots of vegetable soup and cucumber salad.  I eat large portions of that and then eat the rest of my food.  Due to this I am able to eat less calories and still feel full.  I also do not count the calories for my vegetables.
  • 10,000 steps a day-I wear a pedometer every day and try to hit 10,000 steps a day.  I do other exercise like push ups, kettlebells, and kata but at the very least I get my 10,000 steps in every day.  (note:  2,000 steps equals one mile)
  • More sleep-I don't sleep very well.  It has been a problem for me all of my life.  But, now sleeping can be difficult due to two dachshunds, a cat, and a husband all sharing the bed with me.  Lately, due to the advice of Mark Sission, I have been adding a nap every day.  I always felt guilty for napping even though I would feel terrible during the day.  It seems to really be helping my stress and hunger levels decrease.  So, if you can, either get more sleep at night or take a nap.
  • Water-I drink a good amount of water. But, more importantly I don't drink soda of any sort.  If I want a break from water I make ice tea and use a little stevia to sweeten it. 
  • Limited dairy-I have read that most people have food intolerances to wheat and dairy.  If you think you have a problem with those foods it is best to get rid of them from your diet.  I use cream in my coffee or tea (sometimes coconut milk depending on my mood) and occassionally a little cheese on my turkey burger.  But, I don't eat a lot of the stuff and I don't eat it every day. You have to determine what works for you.
Well, that is all I can think of in terms of what I am doing.  If you have any questions please let me know. While reviewing this information it occurred to me how many diets this plan seems like.  And, that is due to my taking the last year of my life researching every diet out there and seeing what worked for me and what didn't.  You will have to do the same thing for yourself.  The best advice I can give is keep a food journal.  Not just to track calories but to see what foods make you feel good or bad.   My husband feels best eating nothing but carbs.  That would kill me.  I need protein and fats to feel my best.  So, you see, everyone is different.  Feel empowered to find out what works for you!  But, if you like the way I am doing things here are a few diets you might want to check out:
Perfect Health Diet
Zonya Foco's Diet Free program
Primal Blueprint
Perfect 10 Diet
Weight Watchers  -check out their "power foods" which used to be called "Core"

Friday, April 15, 2011

5lbs. down!

I will be writing a much longer post this weekend to tell you exactly how this is all working but over the last 3 days I have lost 5lbs.  I think I figured out the key for my weight loss at least.  Like I said, I will give you the break down this weekend but I will give you one big clue till then-lots and lots of vegetables.  Write more later!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

April 12, 2011

On Monday I got some great advice from a man named Paul Jaminet who along with his wife authored the book "The Perfect Health Diet".  If you are interested in hearing his story and advice you can listen to a podcast on the Livin' La Vida Low Carb Show.  I won't get into all of the details but the husband and wife team have some pretty amazing credentials and Paul's story sounds almost exactly like mine when I was trying to determine what was making me sick.  Even down to the doctors doing nothing to help this man get better. Please note: this is not a weight loss diet, it is a diet to regain your health.  Having said that, he does have some wonderful weight loss advice.

Anyway, so I emailed him for some advice and he was gracious enough to email me back within an hour.  Their  diet is basically a Paleo diet.  He and his wife feel their diet is very close to the Okinawan Diet.  This is interesting to me since I take Okinawan Karate.  I have tried the Okinawan Diet.  It is a wonderful program.  But, I had some issues with it regarding the way my body runs.  The Perfect Health Diet really does seem to be the perfect solution to all of the small issues I have with the strict Paleo type diets. 

So what advice did he give me.......well, I am not telling you just yet.  I am going to try it for a few days and then get back to you.  The last two days I have only been able to generally take his advice due to some obligations that I had.  But, already I am down 2lbs.  I promise to share this information with you by the end of the week.  Till then my friends, have a wonderful week!!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

April 10, 2011

taken 4/10/11
So, we will call this my official "before" photo.  It was taken about an hour ago by my husband.  We were outside freaking out the neighbors by throwing knives (Suburbia is such an odd place and I am smack in the middle of it). I know, I am unbelievably huge and absolutely embarrassed to share this picture with all of you. But, I am finding by exposing my shame it is making me want to keep working hard instead  of giving up on my dreams of losing my weight, getting my black belt, and trying to have a baby.  The really sad thing is that I don't even recognize that person in the picture. It has probably been ten years since I have seen a full body picture of myself.  Wow, this is just depressing me.

taken in 2000
Just for the sake of comparison, here is a picture taken of me in 2000.  This was taken at my dojo.

turkey burger, guacamole, bacon
 So, the above picture was my lunch today.  A turkey burger with a slice of bacon and some guacamole. Sorry that is not the best picture, I am still learning to take food  photos.  Not only was it delicious but I feel really good from it.  Usually, I get hungry every two hours but today I have run errands, gone grocery shopping, helped clean the garage, and done some knife throwing.  And, I am only now getting hungry some four and a half hours after lunch.  Best of all I have energy.  My energy level is my biggest problem in life.  I constantly feel tired and like I am going to pass out.  Don't worry I get a good physical twice a year from my doctor and nothing is wrong with me.  But, I just never have any get up and go.  But, today I feel great.  The Paleo diets tell you that if you increase your fat in take your energy levels will automatically increase as well.  That seems accurate for me today.

I must confess that over the last few weeks I haven't been as strict as I could have been with following the Primal Blueprint diet.  So, starting this morning I have started refocusing my efforts.  I picked up the "Primal Blueprint Quick and Easy Meals" cookbook.  In the next few weeks I will be trying out the recipes in it and posting the results here.  So, stay tuned. 

Hopefully, I have gotten myself prepared to have a great primal week.  The fridge is stocked.  I am organized.  And, I feel mentally and emotionally prepared.  Let's see how this week goes!!  Wish me luck!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Friday night recap

My husband and I just got back from Elevation Burger.  Such a great Paleo place to eat. All they serve is grass feed beef.  My hubby gets the french fries but I skip them.  Grass Fed beef with pickles, tomato, and onion is heavenly enough for me.

As I have stated a few times I am a big believer in the paleo diet called "Primal Blueprint".  Today is  "success story Friday" on the blog that the creator of the diet, Mark Sisson, writes (if you want to see an amazing body google Mark Sisson and see what pictures come up).  Today's success story was from a man named Albert.  He lost a lot of weight/fat in only a few months.  I was able to ask him some specifics about how he lost the weight.  He basically suggested that I have been over thinking this whole diet thing.  He said that at every meal he just eats some protein, fats, and veggies.  Bam, that's it! 

I started talking to my husband about this and he said that he agrees with Albert.  I over think things.  We also talked about my work-out plan.  Hubby made a great suggestion-keep going with karate but add something called "The evil Russian's push up program".  Every day you do a certain amount of push ups per hour  (If this program appeals to you there is a spread sheet for it somewhere on line that makes figuring it out much easier). 
So, after one week of dieting I am only one pound down but I learned a lot:
  • Enough already with the protein shakes, they only make me sick
  • When hungry just focus on protein, fats, and veggies (Yum!)
  • Add some push ups to the work outs.
Let's hope next week my weight will be heading in a more positive direction more quickly!  As always thanks for reading and I hope that your week is going well.

April 8, 2011

I weigh myself daily.  Some people will tell you this is a foolish thing to do and others will tell you it is a good idea.  Decide for yourself.  My weight had been going down steadily every day this week.  Yesterday I weighed 305lbs.  This morning I am up two pounds-307lbs.
So I am feeling kinda depressed and wondering what I did wrong.  Maybe it was too much salt yesterday?  Who knows.
All I can do is just keep trying.  I have no other options.  Have a great weekend.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

April 7, 2011

"Do not look upon this world with fear and loathing. Bravely face whatever the gods offer".

Morihei Ueshiba (world's greatest martial artist)

Back to the drawing board today.  It was really frustrating to me yesterday to have my master diet plan foiled.  Then of course, spending time with my skinny-minnie future sister-in-law didn't help.  But, that was yesterday.  Today is a new day and I have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and try, try again.

As I write, rewrite, delete, and write this blog again I am trying to figure out how to move forward.  I am not sure yet.   What I do know is as follows:
  • Karate kata and basics will remain as my daily exercise (along with some other things)
  • The Paleo way of eating described in the book Primal Blueprint will remain my eating style
In other news....I just watched Drew Carey on a talk show from yesterday.  I love Drew Carey.  When he recently lost 80lbs I was fascinated as to how he did it.  He kept saying that he "ate no carbs what so ever".  What does that mean exactly I kept wondering?  Well, on the talk show he described his daily diet:

breakfast-Greek yogurt and fruit
lunch-salmon and veggies and fruit
dinner-turkey and veggies

Drew, I hate to tell  you but you have a hell of a lot of carbs in your diet.  I am thinking a rough estimate would be around 100-150 carbs a day.  He eats a lot of fruit.  But, he is eating all whole foods and it does fall in line with the Primal Blueprint eating plan.  He has also said that he does 45 minutes of cardio on the treadmill.  Again, falling in line with my diet of choice.  Congrats Drew!!!
btw-I weigh 305lbs today. 
Have a great day everyone!!!!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

April 6-PM

‎"As soon as you concern yourself with the “good” and “bad” of your fellows, you create an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weaken and defeat you".
Morihei Ueshiba (greatest martial artist ever)
Boy did I need to read that quote.   I just got home from helping my brother-in-law's girlfriend paint their new place.  She is a great girl and I enjoy spending time with her.  In January she started "watching" what she eats and having more regular exercise and as of today she has lost about 30lbs.  It is so hard not to compare myself to her.  This is so freaking frustrating.  Why can't I lose weight?!?!  What is wrong with me already???  What is she doing that I am not???
Ok, so to regroup, tomorrow I am going to start counting my calories and carbs .  I am now willing to starve myself to get the weight off.  It just has to happen.

April 6, 2011

Today begins my newest weight loss scheme.  Here I am pictured with my" Dr. Tabor Slim and Beautiful Diet" drink.  I know, I know the name is so silly but that it what it is really called.  I know Dr. Tabor from his reputation. He was suggested to me by Leslie Sansone- the in-door walking guru.  I personally know Leslie from walking with her on QVC.  I got to walk with her on live TV because I live near QVC not because I did anything special.  But, the experience was pretty special. Leslie is a sincere and wonderful person.  She suggested Dr. Tabor's shakes to her walkers and so I am trying them.  Dr. Tabor recomends you drink 2 shakes and then a sensible dinner.

Here is my review.  I got the sugar free shakes Dr. Tabor offers on QVC.  I decided to go with the sugar free version because I have given up most sugar and carbs from my diet.  It has made me feel so much better.  Anyway, since it is only 120 calories per shake I knew I would need more calories to get through to lunch so I mixed it with coconut milk and a little stevia.  Coconut milk is only 50 calories per cup so it is equivalent to milk.  I tend to be milk intolerant so I will use either coconut milk or almond milk.  I am currently drinking the Mocha Coffee flavor -it is pretty good. One odd thing though is that it has become as thick a pudding.  It is definitely filling. I think at lunch I will try just using water instead of coconut milk.  I bought about a 10 day supply to see if they would work for me. I am really hoping they do.  Wish me luck!

Now, what am I doing to work out you ask?  Karate.
Every morning I get out my old karate testing requirements and go down the list.  I do 20-50 blocks, punches, kicks to warm up.  Then I start working the list of kata.  My plan is to be letter perfect (or as close as I can get) to executing kata the day I walk back into the dojo. Every night my husband, the black belt, critiques what I am working on and suggests how to get better.  It has been fun for us to work together again. I am also wearing a pedometer and trying to get 10,000 steps in a day.  Some days I only get to 7,000 but I keep walking until I hit 7,000 every day.  Lastly, I am trying to also do push ups.  I hate them but it has to be done.  I am sure I will add more as the weight comes off.

So that is about it for today.  We will know by tomorrow if the shakes are going to work out for me (with food allergies, stomach problems, and hunger levels).  One last thing, today I weighed 306.2lbs.  So, it came down 2lbs since yesterday.

Quick update-My crazy body strikes again.  Drank the shake and got sick as a dog.  They are gluten free shakes but my body completely rejected it.  I've been pretty sick for hours now.  So, back to QVC they go (thank God they have a liberal refund policy).  And, back to Primal Blueprint (a paleo style diet) I go. But, maybe this time I will start to count calories.  We will see. Onwards and Upwards.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

April 5, 2011

Today I weighed myself and the scale read 308lbs......there now everyone knows.  I feel like I am at an AA meeting, finally admitting to myself somethings that needs to change in my life.  Don't misunderstand, I have been fully aware that I am morbidly obese for years.  And, I am under no illusions that anyone taking a good look at me hasn't figured it out for themselves as well.  But, there are very few people with whom I have shared the actual number.

308lbs. is actually good compared to where I was at in 2009.  My top weight was in August that year when I weighed in at 329lbs.  Since that time I have literally tried everything to get those 21  -Kettlebells, YRG Yoga, walking, running (till the treadmill stopped operating underneath my weight), karate kata, Weight Watchers, Jay Robb protein shakes, extreme low carb diets, Primal Blueprint, and plain old just not eating.  I have had some success with the Primal Blueprint diet but my weight has been at a stall since December of 2010.

Feeling the stress of turning 41 in April I decided to try something new to help the weight loss process along.  I ordered some diet shakes from QVC and they are suppose to arrive today.  I don't hold out tremendous hope that these shakes are the magic cure.  But, moving forward and trying is psychologically so much better than sitting around feeling defeated.  In preparation for my new diet, I decided to start cleaning out some of the clutter in my house.  I started in the office because that has become the general dumping ground for everything that doesn't have a permanent home around here.  I am attempting to write a children's book so I need some space to work (don't worry I am under no illusion that I have a real chance of getting published but it is something I have always wanted to do so I am trying it).  While cleaning I found an autographed picture of knife throwing extraordinaire, Joseph Darrah, that he was kind enough to give me for my 40th birthday last year.

I've always been a strange mixture of wounded little girl and big, bad warrior.  Usually each trait comes out at the most inappropriate times.  To calm down my warrior side I started taking martial arts in my 20's.  That was the best time of my life and I even ended up marrying a black belt from my dojo (BTW-my husband is pretty much the most amazing person you will ever meet).  Then in my 30's I started getting so sick that I had to quit karate and working and pretty much everything.  I was like an ill zombie for years.  Finally around 2008, I was diagnosed with Celiacs Disease.  Finding out how to get well again was a huge miracle in my life and it gave me hope to go back to karate.  Because of all of the years I was so sick my body had balooned up to over 300lbs.  But being full of hope, I went back to see my Sensei  because he always said that when you gain weight the best place for you is the dojo.  "Get back to exercise and health through the ancient Okinawan practise of karate", he would explain.  Well, I went to see him  he said I couldn't come back to karate until I was close to my ideal weight.  That killed me.  I totally understood his concern to keep me from hurting myself while working out but it broke my heart.  The frustration of trying to get my weight down and failing has only made that heart ache grow stronger every day.

On my 40th birthday, I decided to try to do something new for myself to help get out of my funk.  The funk was over turning 40, being over 300lbs, not allowed to be in the dojo, not having a career, and not having a child. Basically, everything in my life except for being happily married was wrong (I do realize that being happily married is no small thing and I am grateful).  So, when things get tough, the tough decide to handle their midlife crisis by learning how to throw knives.  Fortunately for me, one of the best knife throwers in the world lives 20 minutes from my house.  I contacted him via email and Mr. Darrah graciously set up a time on my birthday weekend to teach us knife throwing.  This would turn out to be the best day of my life.

Mr. Darrah is a tall and physically imposing man.  He sorta reminded me of Paul Sr. from Orange County Choppers.  He turned out to be the kindest person and a phenomenal teacher.  I normally walk around feeling very self conscious about my weight and that day I was literally terrified that Mr. Darrah might reject me as a student.  But, from the minute I met him I could tell my weight didn't matter to him one bit.  He was just excited to share his sport with two more people.  I actually started out doing really well with the knife throwing, almost getting a perfect throw on my first attempt (see picture above).  But, then I started thinking about what I was doing and getting really nervous. Each throw got further from the target. Finally Mr. Darrah told me to try something different.  He had me stare at the target and then close my eyes.  He had me visualize the target and then throw.  I threw about six knives and around four of them hit the target perfectly.  He had me open my eyes to see how well I had done.  He explained to me that by closing my eyes I had temporarily turned off my negative brain because it couldn't see what I was doing.  With my eyes closed it was just me, the knives, and the target.  It allowed me to just be in the moment.  When I got out of my own way I was able to accomplish my goal.  That was the best, most powerful lesson anyone has ever taught me.  I have been thinking about it every day since then.

While cleaning the office today I found that autographed picture that Mr. Darrah gave me last year. It was his birthday present to me. We had recently done some painting in the house and had taken the picture down for a few months.  As I put it back up on the wall I was struck by what he taught me last year.  It was like it took my  brain all this time to really process the lesson.  Kinda like the time it takes for your eyes to see again after looking directly at the sun.  Something clicked and I got it.  Yes, my weight is a problem.  But, my real problem is the way I think about it and me.  Usually I am so negative that I sabatoge any success that I may achieve.  It is time to get out of my own way and just blindly throw that metaphorical knife to see what I can hit.

Mr. Darrah I will always be grateful to you for teaching me this.

The dragon has always been a symbol of the martial artist.  My father always said to me that everyone has their own dragon to slay.  This blog is going to be about my earnest attempt to get my life back on track.  It is tough for me to be this honest, usually I don't tell people much about myself.  But, for some reason writing about this process feels really important to me. I will try to keep my posts much shorter than this one and I hope they don't bore you.  Thank you for reading this and please wish me luck!